I am Failing

Last month, Blueprint100 curated an exhibition around the theme of failure and finding comfort in the uncomfortable. This felt like the right time for me to try creating something new alongside showing some work that I had previously made but never shown before (A Conversation with my Mum and my Grandma).

The ‘making something new’ part felt freeing, playful and fun. Fanny Piece was made cheaply, very quickly and on the comfort of my very own, small, bathroom floor. I giggled whilst I made this work and was fascinated by the different shapes my own body could create through printing on to different materials and using different colours of paint. I think I liked designing this because there were no rules to what I was doing. There was no right or wrong way and no matter what happened during the process, the outcome of the shapes were always mesmerising and satisfying enough to call them “finished.” It got me thinking about all the barriers I seem to have in place for myself when making work that’s a little more considered. It got me thinking about the importance of making work for no reason and for no one to see. It got me thinking about letting go. It got me thinking about where I am and where I am going. It got me thinking about the value in not caring about what I think I know. It got me thinking about getting it wrong. It got me thinking.

Right now, I am failing

I am failing at managing my time

I am failing at managing my money

I am failing at managing a work/life balance

I am failing at managing my cravings

I am failing to manage the expectations I have set for myself

I am managing.

I am failing to visit the family members that I should

I am failing at listening to the voice inside my head and the feeling in my stomach

I am failing to see eye to eye all the time

I am failing to go to bed before midnight

I am failing to eat breakfast every morning

I am growing.

I am failing to read that book on top of the pile beside my bed

I am failing not to scroll through those pictures

I am failing to log off

I am failing to not give in to temptation

I am failing at being honest about my failures

I am achieving.

I am failing to check in with those friends in need

I am failing to care as much as I should

I am failing at brushing my teeth twice a day

I am failing at falling in love

I am failing to create the work I want to make

I am failing at asking for help

I am failing to tell someone how I really feel

I am failing at being honest about my fears

I am failing at being who I know I can be

I am failing to switch off

I am failing to listen

I am failing to think about some of the things I should

I am failing at being in control

I am failing to live fully without my phone

I am failing to remember

I am failing to finish my list of failures

I am succeeding at failing

I am epically failing

I am failing way better than I ever have before

You are witnessing a living, breathing, epic fail and I am ok with that.

I am trying to love my failures. Although not easy, they have provided me, and continue to provide me with, more opportunity to try again than any of my triumphs ever have. Failure is our teacher. I trust in my failures; to take me to exactly where I need to be. I hope you’re failing in some way, today.

Jordan x


© 2020 Blueprint100 in affiliation with The Stove Network

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